How the Heck Did I End Up Here?

Have you ever had one of those moments as a parent? You know, the head in your hands, come to Jesus moments when you feel so dang helpless? I am a good person, I am smart, I am a good parent, so why is this happening?

I clearly remember some of my moments. The moment I KNEW my daughter had a seizure disorder. The moment I had to leave for work as she lay on the floor, struggling against the vertigo that had stolen her balance. The moment my first grade son asked me if he was dumb. The list goes on and on. The moment your daughter bites her daycare friend for the TENTH time and breaks skin, AGAIN….. Smaller moments when they are little, bigger moments as they grow older and the cost of a mistake is so much higher. The list goes on and on, doesn’t it?

How do I know this? Because my list of moments is very, very long. And, to tell you the truth, I thought I was going to ROCK this parenting gig! I love kids! I am great with kids! I can get kids I work with to do amazing things! I am a school psychologist. Need I say more? When I actually became a parent, I quickly realized my foolishness and folly.

In a recent moment, I found myself asking the question, how the heck did I end up HERE? The professional who works with children for a living, who has all the information in the world about how to do this thing. This is what I found. I share it with you because I am quite certain if I feel this way, some of you do too.

It is a lonely feeling, isn’t it? When something goes “wrong.” Your child is so anxious they can’t sleep at night. Your child is getting in trouble everyday at school and nothing you do seems to impact it. Your teenager comes home drunk as a skunk. Your child suffers from panic and does not want to leave the house. Whatever the moment is. There isn’t a lot of talk about those moments. Those are private, shameful moments. Those are the moments that don’t make your Instagram Story.

My hope is to be a place where educators and parents can come for the REAL DEAL. Where do you go when you are scared and feel like you might be messing it up? There aren’t many places to go when you have those moments. When you think, how the heck did I end up here?

So let me just answer the question as I see it….how did you end up here? In that moment where the little voice inside of you is shamefully pondering, am I a bad parent? You ended up here because there is not a recipe for parenting. You could have all of the knowledge, skill, and love in the world and still have hard stuff happen. You ended up here because you are a human being doing the courageous job of raising another human being! This stuff is going to be messy. You are here because it is in these moments that you realize that your child is parenting you as much as you are parenting them. What you will learn about yourself and how you will grow from the hard stuff, will blow your mind. You won’t stay there, but when you find yourself in a moment, recognize it for what it is, embrace it and let it be.